it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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