She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
