you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
