He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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