Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
