TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
