i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
