I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize