I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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