Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
