Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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