Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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