I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
