i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
