Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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