what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
