we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
