I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
