He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
