I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
