I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
