i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
