Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
