Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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