Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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