I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
