just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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