my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
