If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
