YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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