I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
