Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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