ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
