This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
