About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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