I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
