If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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