when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
