Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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