I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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