I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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