May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
