So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
