Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
