I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
