Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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