is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
