once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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