Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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