Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
