Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
