if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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