so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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