i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
