i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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