Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
