I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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