Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't notice because vodka
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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