Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let's get the cat blown out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
