Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
