omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you had me at cake vodka
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
