There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
