Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
