That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
