Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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