she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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