God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
