We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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